that she wants to get the little nipper baptized. Even though she hasn't gone to Church in something like twenty years, isn't religious, was married (to me) in a civil ceremony (which may or may not make our child a technical bastard, I'm unsure of the current policy) -- still and all, she was raised Catholic and therefore, she feels, her daughter should be raised Catholic as well, so that she has a chance to learn about and then reject religion the same way her mother did. Plus of course the in-laws are all thrilled, and hey, we're all about spreading sweetness and light, you know?
Me, I don't much give a shit -- plus it gives me a chance to meet and converse with nuns and priests, a new experience for me, so I'm excited about that.
So we had to attend a baptism class last night. Three quick observations: one, there were four babies at the class, three girls and a boy. All three girls (including ours) had names that begin with "A". Coincidence, or trend? (Ours was the only baby to have a saint's name, however. This made me smug. I felt like saying, "We gave our baby a good Catholic name, didn't we Father Massey?" But I didn't. Though it would've been funny.)
As for the boy (name beginning with "C"), well, the priest had asked us to explain why we chose the names we did, and the boy's parents explained that they are both elementary school teachers, and it was one of the few names they could think of that wasn't tainted by association with some snot-nosed brat they've had to teach. The contempt for all their students, past present and future, was absolutely palpable. Bet they send their kid to a private school.
Second observation: man, that Father Massey had a great vocabulary, and without a hint of ostentation. Just slipping those polysyllabic gems into conversation, smooooth like silk. Let's give it up for a Jesuit education, everybody.
Finally: at one point we were shown a ten-minute video detailing the ceremony itself (where to stand, what to say, etc). Fairly boring, but it was all worth it for the opening, pre-credit sequence. First we see a drawing of Christ's face (70s style animation, white outline drawing). The camera pulls out and reveals that Christ is holding His cross out in front of him like a rifle; then the camera swings around so that the "barrel" of the cross is pointed right at our faces. Baptize your baby, or Jesus will shoot you dead.
I thought that my brother-in-law (attending as the designated godfather) was going to pop a blood vessel from the effort of not laughing out loud. This didn't just make my day, it made my week.
Me, I don't much give a shit -- plus it gives me a chance to meet and converse with nuns and priests, a new experience for me, so I'm excited about that.
So we had to attend a baptism class last night. Three quick observations: one, there were four babies at the class, three girls and a boy. All three girls (including ours) had names that begin with "A". Coincidence, or trend? (Ours was the only baby to have a saint's name, however. This made me smug. I felt like saying, "We gave our baby a good Catholic name, didn't we Father Massey?" But I didn't. Though it would've been funny.)
As for the boy (name beginning with "C"), well, the priest had asked us to explain why we chose the names we did, and the boy's parents explained that they are both elementary school teachers, and it was one of the few names they could think of that wasn't tainted by association with some snot-nosed brat they've had to teach. The contempt for all their students, past present and future, was absolutely palpable. Bet they send their kid to a private school.
Second observation: man, that Father Massey had a great vocabulary, and without a hint of ostentation. Just slipping those polysyllabic gems into conversation, smooooth like silk. Let's give it up for a Jesuit education, everybody.
Finally: at one point we were shown a ten-minute video detailing the ceremony itself (where to stand, what to say, etc). Fairly boring, but it was all worth it for the opening, pre-credit sequence. First we see a drawing of Christ's face (70s style animation, white outline drawing). The camera pulls out and reveals that Christ is holding His cross out in front of him like a rifle; then the camera swings around so that the "barrel" of the cross is pointed right at our faces. Baptize your baby, or Jesus will shoot you dead.
I thought that my brother-in-law (attending as the designated godfather) was going to pop a blood vessel from the effort of not laughing out loud. This didn't just make my day, it made my week.
4 comments:
they have baptism class? doesn't it just entail getting your kid wet?
mind you, i've never been catholic.
Yeah, who knew? Mostly it was etiquette -- where to stand, what to wear, what to say when -- those Catholics are big on ceremony. But they did slip a little theology in there. I got kind of excited when Father Massey said that, "Original sin is making a big comeback" but alas, he didn't elaborate.
Oh, and I almost forgot the best detail: in addition to holy water, the kid's anointed with a special oil that is blessed once a year, by the archbishop, on Holy Thursday -- then couriered to the individual parishes. You can't make this stuff up.
In Jerusalem, a Romanian woman from the Romanian Orthodox Church escorted my husband and I on a rapid, impromptu tour of the stations of the cross, which she identified for us with lots of hand signals and very broken English.
She was doing the circuit herself, she explained, in order to sanctify a silver altar set which she would bring back to her parish in Romania.
The Hassidim at the Wailing Wall on Friday evening, the amazing purple satin pointy hats and the dark filigree and gothic-style art in the Albanian (?) Orthodox Church, the tiny Philipina nuns at Jesus' Tomb in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, wailing as though their own child had died.
Agnes MUST visit Jerusalem for the benefit her religious education, and you must go with her. It's the right thing to do.
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